Toons on Drugs
- She-Ra - Come on, any woman who is that buff is also
poppin' 'roids. Besides, her brother is her supplier, and any
horse that can fly has got to be lit up on something!
- Hagar the Horrible - I picture Hagar out on the lawn
smoking some serious pot from a six-foot bong. After all, he does
rampage through all the medieval castles stealing their stashes!
- Calvin and Hobbes - this kid has found the paint and is
inhaling for hours. Any kid that talks to his tiger and gets
tackled by it has got to be sniffing. Let's not forget all the
memorable scenes of when his food becomes monsterous and tries to
kill him. Psychadelic overload.
- Baby Blues - Any family that names their kids Zoe and
Ham have got to be snortin' snow through dollar bills. Someday a
lawer will represent them in a "wrongful name" suit.
- Garfield - Let's face it, Jon has nothing better to do
except suck the crack pipe and talk to his pets. Every now and
then he lets Odie take a hit or two.
- Peanuts - Snoopy is just lit up on anything he can
find. First, dogs don't sleep on their backs, and second, a dog
that DOES sleep on his back on a 12/12 pitch roof has got to be
stoned, cuz any coherent individual doesn't have the proper
equalibrium to perform this balancing act. His pop just drinks his
life away, it's Jack and Coke for that beagle.
- Tigger - There have been many accusations about Tigger,
but I believe this behavior is due to his ADDS (attention deficit
disorder syndrome) and low tolerance of Ridalin. This cat needs
- Rabbit - Everyone know what Rabbit does in his house.
Besides, he is always upset when people bother him. After all, I
would be upset if people kept interrupting me while my hash
brownies were cooking. And those aren't cooking spices he keeps,
that is his dope supply, and those drums of so-called "honey" are
merely his liquid cocaine stashes.
- Rudolph - Red noses usually indicate a drinking
problem. if i were Santa, i would have that particular reindeer
take a breathalizer test. Drinking and flying are a deadly
- Jabber Jaw - This is a talking Great White "wussy" shark who plays in a band. Something is fishy around here (no pun intended). Now who is to blame here? Certainly not the shark. I blame the artist and the director, two guys sittin' around, eatin' hash brownies, smokin' some weed, watching a porno, and dreaming up some concept for a new cartoon. They obviously had the windows closed, and were inhaling the second-hand smoke as well. This is something Cheech and Chong would think up.
Another "Toons on Drugs" List