Toons on Drugs


  1. She-Ra - Come on, any woman who is that buff is also poppin' 'roids. Besides, her brother is her supplier, and any horse that can fly has got to be lit up on something!

  2. Hagar the Horrible - I picture Hagar out on the lawn smoking some serious pot from a six-foot bong. After all, he does rampage through all the medieval castles stealing their stashes!

  3. Calvin and Hobbes - this kid has found the paint and is inhaling for hours. Any kid that talks to his tiger and gets tackled by it has got to be sniffing. Let's not forget all the memorable scenes of when his food becomes monsterous and tries to kill him. Psychadelic overload.

  4. Baby Blues - Any family that names their kids Zoe and Ham have got to be snortin' snow through dollar bills. Someday a lawer will represent them in a "wrongful name" suit.

  5. Garfield - Let's face it, Jon has nothing better to do except suck the crack pipe and talk to his pets. Every now and then he lets Odie take a hit or two.

  6. Peanuts - Snoopy is just lit up on anything he can find. First, dogs don't sleep on their backs, and second, a dog that DOES sleep on his back on a 12/12 pitch roof has got to be stoned, cuz any coherent individual doesn't have the proper equalibrium to perform this balancing act. His pop just drinks his life away, it's Jack and Coke for that beagle.

  7. Tigger - There have been many accusations about Tigger, but I believe this behavior is due to his ADDS (attention deficit disorder syndrome) and low tolerance of Ridalin. This cat needs Prozac!

  8. Rabbit - Everyone know what Rabbit does in his house. Besides, he is always upset when people bother him. After all, I would be upset if people kept interrupting me while my hash brownies were cooking. And those aren't cooking spices he keeps, that is his dope supply, and those drums of so-called "honey" are merely his liquid cocaine stashes.

  9. Rudolph - Red noses usually indicate a drinking problem. if i were Santa, i would have that particular reindeer take a breathalizer test. Drinking and flying are a deadly combination.

  10. Jabber Jaw - This is a talking Great White "wussy" shark who plays in a band. Something is fishy around here (no pun intended). Now who is to blame here? Certainly not the shark. I blame the artist and the director, two guys sittin' around, eatin' hash brownies, smokin' some weed, watching a porno, and dreaming up some concept for a new cartoon. They obviously had the windows closed, and were inhaling the second-hand smoke as well. This is something Cheech and Chong would think up.


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