Take Our Test
Sung to the tune of Beauty and the Beast's "Be our guest"
Abbreviation glossary: P: Professors S1, S2, S3: Distinct students S: Students in unison TA: Teaching assistant
P: Ma chere tuition-payers,it is with deepest sadism and greatest power that we welcome you this morning. And now, we require you to get tense, let us pull up a chair, as the faculty proudly presents - your final!
P: Take your test Take your test Are you nervous? Are you stressed? Winter's just around the corner now We love this time the best Physics laws English lit. Why, you'll never want to quit What's the formula for vinyl? Don't you love to take a final! Classic film Modern dance All the kings and queens of France You'll be writing with such energy and zest Go on and take some blue books You'll at least need two books Take your test Fake your test Take your test World War I World War II You'll be chugging Mountain Dew As you scram back home to cram And stay awake the whole night through If you're here And you're scared Then you're prob'ly unprepared Don't tell me about your party You should study, Mr. Smarty Distant stars Shakespeare's plays Let us run you through our maze S1: Did you ever get the feeling we're oppressed? P: Don't question our regime How could you dare blaspheme? Now take your test (You've B.S.ed, But you'd rather say you've "guessed") Take your test Take your test Take your test Life's all smiles and smirking For a student who's not working It's a gas without a class to load him down Ah, those good old days way back in grade school Suddenly he wants his cap and gown While he's been busy learning Curiosity's been burning What's it like to have a minute to himself? He won't know 'til after graduation They came here so lazy Now we're driving them all crazy! S1: It's a test! S2: It's a test S3: This can't be! I still need rest! P: You want sleep, you little creep? That's very good. That's quite a jest Ancient worlds Complex math And we won't withhold our wrath Yes, we'll give you quite a beating If we catch you while you're cheating Chinese art Civil E. Anesthesiology S3: Help me please! I'm having cardiac arrest! S1: Somebody check his heart! P: Then label every part! It's on your test S: That's our test? P: That's your test S: What a pest! TA: Here's a test There's a test I'm so very much depressed Have to grade each one of these in just a day And I'm hard-pressed! Biochem Japanese Why our "quarters" come in threes While the deadline still is looming I'll keep grading I'll keep fuming P: Course by course One by one 'Til you shout, "This isn't fun!" Then we'll laugh at every place that you digressed We've done our best to pester See you next semester! Take your test Take your test Take your test Now, take your test
(C) 1996 by Jason Knight. This work may be freely distributed in its unmodified form. Comments welcome. Mountain Dew is a brand name of the Pepsi-Cola Company.