How To Stay Stressed
Although the Health Professionals long have been an advocate of stress management, stress, tension, and burnout are still common complaints of students, faculty, and staff alike. On account of this, we have come to the following conclusion: YOU ALL WANT TO STAY STRESSED! The following provides you with a few reasons why.
Anyone as stressed as you must be working very hard and, therefore, is probably doing something very crucial.
Anyone as busy as you are certainly can't be expected to form emotional attachments to anyone. And let's face it, you're not much fun to be around anyway.
Obviously you're too stressed to be given any more work. This gets you off the hook for all the mundane chores; let someone else take care of them.
Stress might be considered a cheap thrill, and you can give yourself a "hit" anytime you choose. But be careful, you might get addicted to your own adrenaline.
Why risk being "successful" when by simply staying stressed you can avoid all of that? Stress can keep your performance level low enough that success won't ever be a threat.
The authoritarian style of "Just do what I say!" is generally permissible under crisis conditions. If you maintain a permanently stressed crisis atmosphere, you can justify an authoritarian style all the time.
Are you worried now about how to stay stressed? You'll have no trouble if you practice the following clinically proven methods:
Exercise wastes a lot of time that could be spent worrying.
Hey, if cigarette smoke can't cleanse your system, a balanced diet isn't likely to.
Work hard at staying at least 25 pounds over your recommended weight.
The old standards of caffeine, nicotine, sugar, and cola will continue to do the job just fine.
Ignore the evidence suggesting that meditation, yoga, deep breathing, and/or mental imaging help to reduce stress. The Protestant work ethic is good for everyone, Protestant or not.
Anyone who criticizes any aspect of your work, family, dog, house, or car is mounting a personal attack. Don't take time to listen--be offended, then return the attack!
Staying stressed is no laughing matter, and it shouldn't be treated as one.
Never ever ask for help, and if you want it done right, do it yourself!
Put work before everything else, and be sure to take work home evenings and weekends. Keep reminding yourself that vacations are for sissies.
Schedule in more activities every day than you can possibly get done and then worry about it all whenever you get a chance.
Putting things off to the last second always produces a marvelous amount of stress.
Worry about the stock market, earthquakes, the approaching Ice Age, you know, all the big issues.
...and either beat yourself up, or feel guilty, depressed, discouraged, and/or inadequate when you don't meet them.