The Problem: There is a pile of cowshit on the floor. This is what various philosophers would say about it:

Socrates: Major Premise: There is something on the floor.
Minor Premise: That something is cowshit.
Conclusion: There is cowshit on the floor.

Asvaghosh: I will, by virtue of clever argument, prove that it is impossible to know whether this cowshit exists.

Descarte: I think the cowshit is, therefore it is.

Pascal: I have two choices - I can either believe in the cowshit, or not. If I do not believe in it, I may suffer dire consequences. But if I believe in it, at worst I will have lost nothing.

Voltaire: It is necessary for each to tend to his own cowshit.

Rousseau: This is a noble, savage cowshit, and therefore better than a civilized cowshit.

Kant: This cowshit has a quality of cowshitness, which defines it to be
cowshit.

Nietzsche: Hear me, my brothers! Behold this cowshit. It is dead, and we have killed it. Let us therefore build ourselves a supercowshit to take its place.

Wittgenstein: That there is cowshit on the floor is only valid in certain situations, since the concepts of "cowshit", "floor" and "there" are merely semantic constructs in the language game.

Camus: This cowshit being on the floor is a random event in an uncaring universe, but I shall continue on with what I am doing in spite of it, and this fact makes me a human being.

Joshu (A Zen Master): (Gets a shovel, scoops up the cowshit, throws it away, then has a cup of tea.)


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