The Problem: There is a pile of
cowshit on the floor. This is what various philosophers would say
Socrates: Major Premise: There is something on the floor.
Minor Premise: That something is cowshit.
Conclusion: There is cowshit on the floor.
Asvaghosh: I will, by virtue of clever argument, prove that it is
impossible to know whether this cowshit exists.
Descarte: I think the cowshit is, therefore it is.
Pascal: I have two choices - I can either believe in the cowshit,
or not. If I do not believe in it, I may suffer dire consequences.
But if I believe in it, at worst I will have lost nothing.
Voltaire: It is necessary for each to tend to his own cowshit.
Rousseau: This is a noble, savage cowshit, and therefore better
than a civilized cowshit.
Kant: This cowshit has a quality of cowshitness, which defines it
Nietzsche: Hear me, my brothers! Behold this cowshit. It is dead,
and we have killed it. Let us therefore build ourselves a
supercowshit to take its place.
Wittgenstein: That there is cowshit on the floor is only valid in
certain situations, since the concepts of "cowshit", "floor" and
"there" are merely semantic constructs in the language game.
Camus: This cowshit being on the floor is a random event in an
uncaring universe, but I shall continue on with what I am doing in
spite of it, and this fact makes me a human being.
Joshu (A Zen Master): (Gets a shovel, scoops up the cowshit, throws it away, then has a cup of tea.)