Random Quotes

We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.

Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.

He who laughs last thinks the slowest!

Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else!

A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.

Lottery: a tax on people who are bad at math.

There's too much blood in my caffeine system.

Artificial intelligence usually beats real stupidity.

I wouldn't be caught dead with a necrophiliac.

Learn from your parents' mistakes -- use birth control!

Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.

Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.

What is a "free gift"? Aren't all gifts free?

If ignorance is bliss, you must be orgasmic.

Puritanism: the haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy.

I used to have a handle on life. Then it broke.

The sex was so good that even the neighbors had a cigarette.

The gene pool could use a little chlorine.

Where there's a will, I want to be in it.

OK, who put a "stop payment" on my reality check?

Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs.

We have enough youth, how about a fountain of SMART?

Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.

"Very funny, Scotty. Now beam me down my clothes."

I! Finally! Figured...out...how! To punctuate! Kirk's! Sentences!