We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.
Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.
He who laughs last thinks the slowest!
Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else!
A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.
Lottery: a tax on people who are bad at math.
There's too much blood in my caffeine system.
Artificial intelligence usually beats real stupidity.
I wouldn't be caught dead with a necrophiliac.
Learn from your parents' mistakes -- use birth control!
Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.
Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.
What is a "free gift"? Aren't all gifts free?
If ignorance is bliss, you must be orgasmic.
Puritanism: the haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy.
I used to have a handle on life. Then it broke.
The sex was so good that even the neighbors had a cigarette.
The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
Where there's a will, I want to be in it.
OK, who put a "stop payment" on my reality check?
Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs.
We have enough youth, how about a fountain of SMART?
Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.
"Very funny, Scotty. Now beam me down my clothes."
I! Finally! Figured...out...how! To punctuate! Kirk's! Sentences!