- AQUARIUS (Jan 20 - Feb 18)
- You have an inventive mind and are inclined to be progressive.
You lie a great deal. On the other hand, you are inclined to be
careless and impractical, causing you to make the same mistakes
repeatedly. Everybody thinks you are a fucking jerk.
- PISCES (Feb 19 - Mar 20)
- You have a vivid imagination and often think you are being
followed by the FBI or CIA. You have a minor influence over your
friends, and people resent you for flaunting your power. You lack
confidence and are generally a coward. Pisces people screw small
animals and pick their nose a lot.
- ARIES (Mar 21 - Apr 20)
- You are the pioneer type and hold most people in contempt. You
are quick tempered, impatient and scornful of advice. You are a
- TAURUS (Apr 21 - May 20)
- You are practical and persistent. You have dogged
determination and work like hell. Most people think you are
stubborn and bullheaded. You are nothing but a damn asshole.
- GEMINI (May 21 - Jun 20)
- You are a quick and intelligent thinker. People like you
because you are bisexual. However, you are inclined to expect too
much for too little. This means you are a cheap bastard.
- CANCER (Jun 21 - Jul 22)
- You are sympathetic and understanding of other people's
problems. They think you are a sucker. You are always putting
things off. That's why you won't ever be worth a shit.
- LEO (Jul 23 - Aug 22)
- You consider yourself a born loser. Others think you are
pushy. Most Leos are bullies. You are vain and cannot tolerate
honest criticism. Your arrogance is disgusting. Leo people are
thieving bastards and kick mirrors a lot.
- VIRGO (Aug 23 - Sep 22)
- You are a logical type and hate disorder. This nit-picking is
sickening to your friends. You are bold and unemotional and often
fall asleep while screwing. Virgos make good bus drivers and
- LIBRA (Sep 23 - Oct 22)
- You are the artistic type and have a difficult time with
reality. If you are male, you are probably gay. Chances for
employment and monetary gain are excellent. Most Libra women are
whores. All Libras die with venereal disease.
- SCORPIO (Oct 23 - Nov 21)
- You are shrewd in business and cannot be trusted. You shall
achieve the pinnacle of success because of your total lack of
ethics. You are a perfect son of a bitch. Most Scorpios are
- SAGITTARIUS (Nov 22 - Dec 21)
- You are optimistic and enthusiastic. You have reckless
tendency to rely on luck since you have no talent. The majority of
Sagittarians are drunks and potheads. People laugh at you a lot
because you are always getting fucked.
- CAPRICORN (Dec 22 - Jan 19)
- You are conservative and afraid of taking risks. You are basically chicken shit. There has never been a Capricorn of great importance. You should kill yourself.