- If you were going to man one of those "Coffee and Cookies for a Donation" tables at a highway rest stop from 2:30 to 6:30 am, in a slight downpour, and your companions could either be Grand Funk Railroad or Soundgarden, which would you choose?
- Which name makes you cringe worse: Newt Gingrich, Jack Kavorkian, or Mochaccino?
- Is William S. Burroughs dead yet? I don't think so, I think he just did a Land O' Lakes commercial. You know, the one they had to suppress.
- (I guess this really isn't a dilemma. Sorry.)
- Which makes you more afraid: ebola, racist/religious groups with surplus weapons or that one day the boss will come over for dinner and find the copy of Photoshop you stole from work?
- If nature produced a teal food, would you trust her anymore?
- When Skinny Puppy shares the bill with Three Dog Night at state fairs and tractor pulls, will you buy bink blocks of candy popcorn or a caramel apple?
- Which chokes you up more: "The Star Spangled Banner," or "Elbow Room?"
- Let's say there's a nuclear war. Everybody's only allowed to sub to one newsgroup. If it came down to a choice between alt.binaries.pictures.erotica.butts and alt.binaries.pictures.erotica.female.anal, my God, how would you pick?
- If Jim Carrey suddenly dropped out of the sky in front of your car, would you stop?
- If you knew the eighties revival was just around the corner, but selling your Berlin albums would bring the cash necessary for your mother's life-saving operation, would you?
- This question has three parts:
Let's say you're a rookie cop. You've cornered two armed suspects in an alley, and they're firing at you. You want to kill them. You get to kill them. This is not the dilemma.
- The question is, if one of them is Kenny G, and the other is Kathy Lee Gifford, which one are you going to drop first?
- And which one will give you the greater pleasure?
- And which one will you plant the vial of crack on?
- If the US started a war with Mexico and Canada started a war with the US, and Mexico started a war with Canada, and you got your draft notice, where would you flee to?
- Which irritates you more: MTV or Saturday Night Live satires of MTV?
- If Alanis Morissette and Sean Penn starred in a remake of Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf, and Alanis asked you to go to the premiere with her, would you ask her to...oh, never mind, that's too easy...