The Statements Car Owners are Really Making



Acura Integra

I have always wanted to own the Buick of sports cars

Acura Legend

I'm too bland for German cars

Acura NSX

I am impotent

Audi 90

I enjoy putting out engine fires

Buick Park Avenue

I am older than 34 of the 50 states

Cadillac Eldorado

I am a very good Mary Kay salesman

Cadillac Seville

I am a pimp

Chevrolet Camaro

I enjoy beating the hell out of people

Chevrolet Chevette

I like seeing people's reactions when I tell them I have a 'Vette

Chevrolet Corvette

I'm in a mid-life crisis

Chevrolet El Camino

I am leading a militia to overthrow the government

Chrysler Cordoba

I dig the rich Corinthian leather

Datsun 280Z

I have a kilo of cocaine in my wheel well

Dodge Dart

I teach third grade special education and I voted for Eisenhower

Dodge Daytona

I delivered pizza for four years to get this car

Ferrari Testarossa

I am known to prematurely ejaculate

Ford Fairmont

(See Dodge Dart)

Ford Mustang

I slow down to 85 in school zones

Ford Crown Victoria

I enjoy having people slow to 55mph and change lanes when I pull up behind them

Geo Storm

I will start the 11th grade in the fall.

Geo Tracker

I will start the 12th grade in the fall.

Honda Civic del Sol

I have always said, half a convertible is better than no convertible at all

Honda Civic

I have just graduated and have no credit

Honda Accord

I lack any originality and am basically a lemming.

Infiniti Q45

I am a physician with 17 malpractice suits pending.

Isuzu Impulse

I do not give a damn about J.D. Power or his reports.

Jaguar XJ6

I am so rich I will pay 60K for a car that is in the shop 280 days per year.

Kia Sephia

I learned nothing from the failure ofDaihatsu Corp.

Lamborghini Countach

I only have one testicle

Lincoln Town Car

I live for bingo and covered dish suppers

Mercury Grand Marquis

(See above)

Mercedes 500SL

I will beat you up if you ask me for an autograph

Mercedes 560SEL

I have a daughter named Bitsy and a son named Cole

Mazda Miata

I do not fear being decapitated by an eighteen-wheeler


I am dating a mechanic

Mitsubishi Diamante

I don't know what it means either

Nissan 300ZX

I have yet to complete my divorce proceedings.

Oldsmobile Cutlass

I just stole this car and I'm going to make a fortune off the parts

Peugeot 505 Diesel

I am on the EPA's Ten Most Wanted List

Plymouth Neon

I sincerely enjoy doing the Macarena

Pontiac Trans AM

I have a switchblade in my sock

Porsche 911 Turbo

I have a three inch thingie

Porsche 944

I am dating big haired women that otherwise would be inaccessible to me

Rolls Royce Silver Shadow

I think Pat Buchannon is a tad bit too liberal

Saturn SC2

(See Honda Civic)

Subaru Legacy

I have always wanted a Japanese car even more inferior than Isuzu

Toyota Camry

I am still in the closet

Volkswagon Beetle

I still watch Partridge Family reruns

Volkswagon Cabriolet

I am out of the closet

Volkswagon Microbus

I am tripping right now

Volvo 740 Wagon

I am frightened of my wife