88 WAYS TO TELL IF YOU'RE STUCK IN THE 80'S


  1. your fondest childhood memory is when Skippy got his head stuck in the banister
  2. you relax by putting on your legwarmers and dancing to the "Footloose" soundtrack
  3. you think the Two Coreys are "totally awesome"
  4. you're still bitter that Wham! broke up
  5. Punky Brewster is your hero
  6. you type all of your term papers on a Commodore 64
  7. you still resent your parents for not installing a dumbwaiter in your house like Webster's
  8. the only video games you play are Frogger and Pac Man
  9. you're building your own Clockwork Smurf
  10. your summer attire is Jellies and Jams
  11. A-Ha's "Take on Me" is still your favorite video
  12. you consider yourself truly, truly, truly outrageous, much like Jem and the Holograms
  13. you wonder why more people don't wear high heels, Jordache jeans, and lacy ankle socks
  14. you call all motorcycle cops "Ponch"
  15. every time you go to the beach you look for Snorks
  16. you're still upset Madonna and Sean broke up
  17. you know who Stinky Sullivan is
  18. you work out with "Get in Shape Girl"
  19. you want to be Molly Ringwald when you grow up
  20. you enjoy dancing on the ceiling and wearing your sunglasses at night
  21. you know who Loverboy is
  22. you think there should be a Kids Incorporated original cast reunion
  23. you think of Janet Jackson as "that girl who used to date Willis"
  24. you can sing the theme song to Small Wonder
  25. every time you see a fountain you want to dance around it and yell "Fame!"
  26. you still have a shoe box full of Garbage Pail Kid cards
  27. you write your congressman asking him to introduce a bill to make "Born in the USA" the national anthem
  28. you still use your Snoopy Sno-Cone machine
  29. you know it's not "comma, comma, comma" it's karma
  30. you stay up nights wondering what Bastian's mother's name was in "The Neverending Story"
  31. you have nightmares about the Peculiar Purple Pieman of Porcupine Peak
  32. you still practice your Care Bear Stare
  33. you know that girls just wanna have fuh-un
  34. you can name all The Wuzzles
  35. you harbor a secret dream of being slimed by Alistair
  36. you can do the Safety Dance
  37. in your spare time you are writing "The Breakfast Club 2"
  38. you like to "connect the dots, la la la la!"
  39. someone mentions Jennifer Beals and you don't say "Who?"
  40. your prized possession is a collection of "Return of the Jedi" Shrinky Dinks
  41. you know whose number is 867-5309
  42. you get depressed thinking about Anthony Michael Hall's career
  43. you're starting a write-in campaign to MTV to bring back Remote Control
  44. you drink Diet Coke because Max Headroom told you to
  45. you consider Jo vs. Blair the major philosophical conflict of the 20th century
  46. you have a duck phone and ride around your house on a little train
  47. you want to be one of the Solid Gold Dancers
  48. you still watch things on Beta
  49. you want to change your name to Rio and dance on the sand
  50. you know that "Weird Science" was a movie before a TV show
  51. your favorite proverb is "some like it hot and some sweat when the heat is on"
  52. you always waited for the Sweet Pickles Bus to visit your house
  53. your favorite party game is Hungry Hungry Hippos
  54. you saw the New Kids on the Block when they were Tiffany's opening act
  55. you liked Tom Hanks better when he was a crossdresser
  56. you know which Hollywood Square Jim J Bullock was in
  57. you practice getting in and out of your car through the windows
  58. you have the tendency to turn up the collar of your polo shirts
  59. you're still wondering who really was the boss
  60. you know what the "P" in "Alex P. Keaton" stands for
  61. you keep asking your teachers if instead of the quiz you can take the physical challenge
  62. you organize weekend tournaments of TV tag
  63. you still drink New Coke
  64. when you watch "Terminator 2" you wonder where Vincent is
  65. you know ALF's real name
  66. you never go out for a night on the town without frosted blue eye shadow and feathered bangs
  67. you can name all of the Thundercats
  68. you got a hankerin' for a hunk of cheese
  69. everything in your wardrobe is either pastel or fluorescent
  70. your musical inspiration is Sonny Mann
  71. sometimes you just want to shout, shout, let it all out
  72. you're planning a dream vacation to Mepos
  73. you use your Speak and Spell to phone home
  74. you know the original members of Menudo
  75. sometimes out of the blue you just got to shake your love
  76. when you're stuck in traffic you tell your car to engage Turbo Boost and are surprised when it doesn't talk back
  77. you remember when Vanessa sang Kareoke to "Locomotion"
  78. you know that Mr. Steele functions best in an advisory capacity.
  79. people are constantly gagging you with spoons
  80. your idea of appreciating ancient cultures is "Walk Like an Egyptian"
  81. the only thing you know about the Nazis is that they threw Indy to the snakes
  82. you still use your hair crimper before going out on a hot date
  83. you hatch plots to break Murdock out of VA hospital
  84. you know which five people Serpentor's DNA came from
  85. you have "We Are the World" on 45
  86. you're still sending death threats to Mr. Rubik
  87. you can feel St. Elmo's fire burnin' in you
  88. you watch NYPD Blue thinking, "Well, they're no Crockett and Tubbs, that's for sure"

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