Goodtimes Virus '97

Goodtimes will reformat your hard drive. Not only that, but it will scramble any disks that are even close to your computer. It will recalibrate your refrigerator's coolness setting so all your ice cream goes melty. It will demagnetize the strips on all your credit cards, bungle up the tracking on your VCR, reset all your digital clocks, and use subspace field harmonics to scratch any CDs you try to play.

It will give your ex-spouse your new phone number. It will pour Kool-aid into your aquarium. It will drink all your beer and leave its socks on the coffee table when company is expected. It will put a dead cat in your briefcase, a rubber rat in your microwave, and hide your car keys when you are late for work.

Goodtimes will move your car randomly around parking lots so you can't find it. It will kick your dog. It will sit on your glasses. It will give you Dutch elm disease. It will leave the toilet seat up. It is insidious and subtle. It is dangerous and terrifying. It is also an interesting shade of mauve.