My Letter to dvdwave.com
UPDATE (10/10/2000): I've been sent an e-mail by Michael Reed stating that: "DVDWave: No Longer in Business after merger with CDUniverse. Held the distinction of being the worst online DVD store." Damn right. Vengeance is mine!
The following is a real letter I wrote and sent to dvdwave.com, an online store that sells, yes, DVDs. I did not put a link to them, you will notice, since they are wretched scumsuckers that don't deserve your business. Don't shop there. And tell your friends not to, too. Enjoy my letter.
Today is January 28, 2000. This date is highly significant to me. No, it's not my birthday. It's not a holiday either. It is an anniversary. January 28th marks the one month anniversary of when I ordered The Shawshank Redemption DVD (order #XXXXXXXXX) from you. Did you forget? You did, didn't you? Well, I didn't forget. In fact, I've reminded you on three separate occasions. The first was on January 19th. I sent you an e-mail reminding you that I had not yet received my order. I believe you guarantee a response to customer service e-mails within 24 hours, right? Well, I checked my inbox repeatedly that day and the next, eagerly awaiting your response. But did you write back? No.
"I'll play it cool," I thought. "I'm not going to let dvdwave.com get the best of me."
I pretended I wasn't bothered, that your lack of caring for me didn't phase me. But that didn't last very long. Just two days after my first e-mail to you, I sent another - on the 21st. And did you respond to that one? I think you know the answer. A wave of emotions overwhelmed me. I was frustrated, hurt, sad, and yet hopeful.
"Maybe something is wrong with e-mail," I reckoned.
So I visited your site to search for a phone number to call you. Did I find one? No, I didn't. So I went to bizrate.com and obtained a number for you there. I called the number and left a message on your voice mail. That was at the beginning of this week. Have you called me back? Have you responded via e-mail? No, dvdwave.com, you haven't.
And today is our anniversary.
You know, dvdwave.com, I am beginning to re-evaluate our relationship. You don't care about me. You never did. My friends tell me I should move on and forget about you. Maybe they're right. I don't know. I just can't give up the hope that you will contact me. That maybe you'll come through in the end. That maybe one day I will check my mailbox, and there will be my Shawshank Redemption DVD. I don't know. Maybe I'm just deluding myself. You'll never change. Why was I so stupid to put up with your cruel games? You're a bastard, dvdwave.com, and I hate you.