Survivor Celebrity Endorsements

As imagined by a dude named Holiocorn, a frequenter of the "Survivor Sucks" website and messageboard, here are some startlingly appropriate product endorsements by those lovable Survivors. Enjoy.

The "I will always wave my giant foam finger in your face!" Foam Finger -- Now available at all major sporting events.

The Amber Sidecar: For the sidekick in your life.

Colby's Colgate: "His teeth at night, are big and bright, deep in the heart of Texas!"

Your step-son will not be able to resist you!

Have YOU got a fire in YOUR wolly? Jeff does!

To alleviate those pesky mood swings that make you into a raging bitch!

For the celebrity chef who's got everything. Excellent for gutting fish.
(Note: Fish heads and guts should be properly disposed of.)

The Kel One-Handed Fishing Pole: Leaving Your Other Hand Free For Other Things.

Get rid of those stubborn dirt lines, the Kimmi way!
(Note: No animal testing was used in the development of this product.)

See Liz Filarski in her feature film debut! Coming soon, direct to your local Blockbuster!

Mad Dog 20/20: Your Constellation... of HOOCH!

Clinically tested by Mike Skupin.

Side effects may include dry mouth, weakness, fatigue, mob mentality and the desire to burst into showtunes--similar to a sugar pill.

La-Z-Boy: Pamper Your Inner Loafer.

Kentucky Joe says "Gosh, Charmin's sure more durable than them leaves with the holes in 'em."

For a limited time, each container of Tina's Do-It-Yourself Silicone Implants come with a free bag of Doritos!